My friend Michelle and I were having a meaningful text conversation…

About TEA.

And I gladly informed her that I am an expert enough in teas. So much so, that I had purchased and then successfully killed a tea plant.

Ladies and Gentlemen. Don’t kill your tea plants, they ain’t worth it!

I started off my killing spree by offering much love and affection to the victim in making and then California added some more love on my behalf (as it usually likes to do) in the form of a nice July-August heat wave. Apparently, it was not enough to do some brief research on how to grow and care for tea plants. Yes! Go Imperfect people. You will find much relief and form a strong belief system.

Go Imperfect

And let us be positive for one second…EVERYthing is wrong!..and it’s okay. After watching some video of some farmers attending to their tea bushes in full sun, in the middle of the day somewhere in Thailand or Vietnam, I made a safe assumption I could do exactly that.. minus the hat. Just have me some nice California sun in mid day plus water the hell out of that bush which was conveniently seated in a FABRIC pot (later on that..) was the way to proceed with my plans.

Also, I could rest assured, that I was nurturing and processing nice dried up tea leaves all at the same time. Wait, let me explain. No extra work was needed, see this was a magical plant, the one with superpowers, it took care of it all: the work of producing and capturing the fresh new leaves and all that, steaming and drying them carefully and slowly for a few days. Why would I do that? Follow me.. purchase the plant, soak it in and put it in the LA oven for few months. Successful results, guaranteed.

Check this out, Green tea in making:

All joking aside Gentlemen and Ladies. What I learned and please trust me on this one cause I paid a hefty $60 for a few-month lesson, DO NOT place a young tree plant in full sun and don’t use a fabric pot while doing that (not advisable for any trees, except Avocado but later on that). Especially so, if you are lucky enough to enjoy SoCal sun folks. Save Lives and put it in semi shade, do water it…. occasionally, meaning every few days, keep it nice and moist, don’t let it dry out completely. Again, PARTIAL SHADE SHADE SHADE.

And I don’t care what uncle Youtube might have communicated to you before my expertise came into play.

Green Peace my people 😉 Till later..

P.S. If you do have some tea plants, send them my way, because I haven’t quite fully satisfied my cravings for experimenting.